The technician led the man down the long hallway. She had a pleasant smile on her face. The man followed with stoic resolution. He had been warned that a monster machine waited at the end of the hallway. They arrived in the control room for “The Machine.”
The technician looked at me and said, “That has to come off,” pointing at my head. I stepped back and clutched at my throat and said, “I am rather fond of it.” “You can have it back when we are done.” I replied, “How will I get it back on?” “Oh, for heaven’s sake, just unclasp the chain and take it off.” “Oh…”
I put my gold chain, my glasses, my keys and a few assorted guitar picks and a quarter inch nut in my hat and handed it to the technician. “We’ll just lock these in this little box on the wall.”
I got a quick look at the control room. The controls seemed familiar. Somewhat like the glass cockpit instruments in my Microsoft Flight Simulator Program on my computer. Airspeed was 0 and the altitude was about 1800 feet. The four throttles were full closed and the engines seemed to be ticking over at 5%. Runway 31 stretched away in the distance.
It was then that I noticed the escape hatch in the forward bulkhead. That sucker was massive, perhaps a foot and a half to two feet thick. The window looking into the chamber looked to be leaded glass about a foot thick. There was a big red rotating beacon over the door, but thankfully it was off. I presume that when it goes on it means the core is in danger of meltdown.
The technician indicated that I should precede her into the chamber. Actually it looked more like she was positioned where she could block me if I made a run for it. But of course I wouldn’t skip out, she had my gold chain and two of my best guitar picks locked in her lock box.
I was lead to this massive machine with a wee tiny doughnut hole in it and this rack like thing attached to it. She offered me a final meal, two tiny sausages. Only she rolled them and had me stuff them in my ears. Once she got me properly tucked in on the rack she fed me head first into the donut hole and warned me not to wiggle. Just before I slid into the machine she placed a plastic bird cage over my head and handed me a rubber squeeze bulb. “One squeeze on that bulb and the machine will chuck you out.” I had a tiny mirror over my eyes and could see down over my toes and through the window into the control room.
The technician retreated into the control room and pulled the escape hatch closed behind her.
Soon I was being slid forward and back inside the doughnut hole in the center of the machine. Then the machine let out with eight or ten screeches and started vibrating. I figured we were approaching takeoff speed and about to rotate, when it started making noises like when you purse your lips and blow a rhubarb. “Oh, man, she is having to abort the takeoff,” I thought. Then came a series loud clicks and clanks and a loud grinding noise. “Oh Lordy, the landing gear just collapsed.” Finally it settled down and just sounded like a jackhammer.
I soon discovered that I could see red digits counting down. These were on the face of the machine and I was reading them in the reflection on the window. I had to teach myself to read backwards, but eventually I was able to figure out that it was the time left for the current series of screeches or hammering noises.
I now had some power over “The Machine,” I could tell when it was going to quit making the infernal racket it was currently making and do something completely different. Do you know what a relief that is? Not much! But now I could quit wondering how upset the technician would get if I moved or squeezed the panic button.
Eventually the machine became quiet and the tray slid me back out of the doughnut hole. Clutching my hat with my gold chain, guitar picks and quarter inch nut, I staggered the length of the long hallway into the MRI waiting room and back into Judy’s arms. Free from “The Machine” at last.
All of this because the Doctor thought I should get my head examined. I could have told him there was nothing in there and saved him all the bother.
In all seriousness, folks, I have been to see a Neurologist to discover why I am developing tremors in my hands and feet. Unless something pops up on the MRI the diagnosis is early stages of Parkinson’s disease. I have started taking a new drug called “Azileck.” This drug was developed in Israel and a large scale study has shown that it may slow or even halt the progress of the disease. This is the same disease that my maternal grandfather had when I was eleven. Michael J. Fox has this disease and I guess that finally there is a ton of money being poured into research.
We are currently in Arizona, about an hour out of Phoenix, so I have access to great doctors and we have many helpful friends here. When I get settled in on the drug therapy we will continue our travels. I think we are going to try to make it to the Experimental Aircraft Associations’ fly-in in Oshkosh Wisconsin over the Fourth of July holiday.
Today’s temperature in Phoenix broke records at 100 degrees. It is easy to stay under the air conditioning around here, but it is a real shocker when you walk out into the heat. I only wish we could shunt some of this heat off to our friends around the country where you are dealing with rain or show and low temperatures.
For now we send our love from Congress, Arizona,
Gary and Judy